- This statement of purpose is the result of transparent, online collaborative editing. I wrote draft after draft and invited the online community to make edits and comments in an open forum I created at kennymcnett.com/mystatementofpurpose.
- My objective in implementing such a non-traditional process was to demonstrate to you, the admissions committee of USC Annenberg, my fervor for exploring and practicing innovative technology-based communications. As I introduce you to myself and my desire to become a student of the Annenberg doctoral program, please bear in mind my readiness to wade beyond elegant expressions of aptitude and swim in the deep waters of tangible exhibition.
- BACKGROUND AND INTERESTS
- I was raised in a natural environment of mass communications as the eighth of thirteen children in a combined family. My family has always encouraged me in my education, whether it was a two-hour presentation I gave single-handedly in the sixth grade, my work as my high school’s student body president, or a trip to the national speech and debate championships. They now celebrate my determined effort as a first-generation college graduate to become the first in my family to receive a doctoral degree.
- My fascination for mass communications as a subject hails from the burning bulb of an overhead projector in my Introduction to Mass Media course at BYU. As Dr. Adams explained the Shannon and Weaver model of communications, the seeds of my career took enthusiastic root and I began to eliminate interference from all walks of communication. Many times since, I have excitedly retaught the contents of that diagram by arranging salt shakers at restaurants, drawing on napkins at wedding receptions, and once even turning the model into a giant learning game involving over 70 adults in a gym.
- As an undergrad, my major focus of study was the artistic side of advertising, which taught me to distill and display complex ideas in succinct, accessible ways. Through two courses, Statistics and Advertising Research, I became involved in two real-world survey projects in which I helped prepare, administer, analyze, and present primary research data for major businesses near the university. At the culmination of my undergraduate studies, I was the Art Director for the winning team of eleven seniors competing in a semester-long capstone project sponsored and judged by Electronic Arts. Though not required, I stretched my perceptions of applied communications by excelling in elective courses in public speaking, acting, diction, and modern dance.
- In 2005, I posted a condensed version of my research paper “Down the Tube: The (Negative) Effects of Television on College Students” on an online forum, which instigated some insightful debate at the time and continues to garner sporadic commentary after nearly five years.
- During college and after, my experience as a professional comedian has taught me how to adapt humor to diverse audiences, which understanding has considerably benefited my ability to endear audiences to my messages regardless of the medium. Moreover, the countless workshops I have held for budding comedians have both added to my pedagogical aptitude and reinforced my affinity for the role of teacher. I hope to teach mass communications at a university level and feel that my experience in front of groups will contribute to my ability to focus on individuals and content rather than perfecting presentation skills.
- Through my industry and study, I secured a full-tuition academic scholarship to college and a part-time job fixing computer hardware and software while attending college. Not only did my labor afford me my living expenses, but because of my job I was also able to stay abreast of the newest technological developments. Every morning from eight to noon was my “second education,” the job outside of my official course of study which provided me the continuing chance to learn and use modern technology, a practice I had cultivated since childhood by learning about computers from my step-father. That pattern of learning on the go has continued in my current work life as I seek out the newest technologies to offer to my clients.
- I have been self-employed as a successful freelance graphic designer in Los Angeles since completing my Bachelor’s degree three years ago. As my business networks and acumen have matured, I have been able to raise my fee rate by 25% each year. While continuing to freelance, I accepted a full-time position as the Director of Marketing for a national multimillion dollar test preparation company, which taught me incredible lessons about the need for companies to adhere to classic marketing principles while constantly adapting to ever-changing communications technology. I was fortunate to be able to immediately apply my newfound knowledge as I chose to transition from that position into several dedicated months of intensive volunteer work.
- Volunteerism is a permanent ingredient of my life from which I have enjoyed immense opportunities to assume influential leadership roles and apply all of my talents in technology-related communications. For two separate volunteer initiatives involving thousands of people, I filled the role of Director of Media, dedicating myself through nearly 1,000 hours of community service in a total of six months. As part of my responsibilities, I created and deployed online infrastructures to allow hierarchical, real-time collaboration among hundreds of field leaders working in distant locations. I was fortunate to interact with lawyers, doctors, academics, accountants, marketers, businessmen and other high-caliber professionals as I led and trained them about media and communication procedures via conference calls and in-person meetings.
- I was also charged with personally creating each initiative’s website and social networking executions, all of which surpassed my loftiest expectations of success. One project’s website garnered nearly 129,000 unique visitors from 145 countries and territories in the short span of six weeks, while the other project’s social media experience resulted in more than 12,000 event registrants, exceeding the goal by 2,000 people. Other materials we produced, such as comprehensive print and video documentaries, were of equally high quality.
- Between high school and college, I lived abroad in rural Brazil for two years as a lay missionary, which gave me an appreciation for the advanced communications technologies we enjoy in the United States. At times, the only way to deliver an important message to people under my care was a long walk under a vicious sun or beneath a chuva brava, an angry rain. I learned to rejoice in the ease of receiving a phone call, the dependability of a trusted postal system, and the simple, powerful gift of education and literacy. A byproduct of my service in Brazil is Portuguese fluency, which allows me to understand not only Brazil’s tongue and traditions, but much of South American and romantic European language and culture as well. I look forward to continually applying to my studies and research the many practical lessons I have learned through my volunteerism, including an intimate comprehension of the sheer joy of selfless giving.
- PURPOSE AND FOCUS
- I hope to research the process and effects of the adoption or non-adoption of communications technologies by individuals and organizations. In my professional and volunteer experience, I have often seen resistance to the acknowledgment and implementation of new technologies, for reasons ranging from practical to imagined. Conversely, some people and companies deftly integrate new technology as a matter of course, consistently increasing efficiency and productivity. Still others adopt and end up worse off as a result.
- In the barrage of modern communicative options, how important is it to be at the forefront? When is it best to wait? Which technologies must an individual adopt to survive that a corporation should avoid? When should entities customize applications instead of using them out of the box? What would happen if everyone used the best tools in the most efficient manner? Which technology choices stifle communication and which expand it?
- Among the many talented faculty able to speak to these questions, I look forward to any opportunity to study under Professor Manuel Castells for a portrait of the present, Professor Sandra Ball-Rokeach for a prophetic peek at the future, and hope for at least a brush with Professor Emeritus A. Michael Noll for an in-depth inspection of the past.
- My intended focus is complementary to Dean Wilson’s recent explanation that Innovation at USC Annenberg is the most important of the three I’s (the others being Impact and Internationalization). Comprehending how and why the world adopts innovations in communication will be essential to the school as it, according to the analogy by Innovator in Residence Dr. Irving Wladawsky-Berger from November’s open forum, looks to expand beyond the walls of its castle and collaborate with the barbarians outside. I hope to be there as the Trojans lower their drawbridge. After all, some of my best friends are barbarians.
USC v2
Posted at 2:21 pm on Monday, November 30th, 2009
Words: 1448 • Gunning-Fog: 18.8, Flesch-Kincaid: 15.3 • Readability (Flesch): 31/100
Thanks for all the edits! I cut out 100 words, but it’s still too long. Help me swing a mighty axe.
What should I cut?
Other edits?
We are in totally different fields, yet hopefully some of my thoughts will be profitable.
I like you as a person and always enjoy reading your material, but still even I get bored reading through paragraphs 1-8. You present a good deal of relevant information in there, but it feels like you’re trying to convey more how you write than what you’ve done. It reads more like a novel and less like a CV. It’s at times taxing to understand what you’re saying as I swim through the sea of words.
P9- I’m personally not a fan of people using adjectives to describe themselves. Through the context of what you’ve described in the paragraph, the reader will come away with the impression that you’re industrious. I don’t like people telling me how I should feel about them. Words are cheap. I like actions.
The relatively short section on USC itself feels like you’re applying for a job more than a graduate program. They probably want to know what exactly you are going to do to add to the USC community. BS and MS programs are designed to give information to the student. PhD programs are designed for students to give to the field.
P17- This speaks like a 14-year-old girl at a Hanna Montana concert. Professors don’t need students to idolize them (well, not good professors at least!). Of course they need respect, but as a PhD student you should consider yourself to be more of a fellow collaborator than of a student. Again, they’re more concerned with how you’re going to positively impact their group and the field at large. They should already know most of this from your previous explanations of what you’ve done already.
One more general comment: Do you believe that you’re going to get accepted to this program? Do you belong there? I’m of the opinion that there are two types of applicants: people that hope to be accepted to great institutions and people that belong in great institutions. I get an overall feeling of hope from this essay, like that you hope that they’ll extend their infinite arms of mercy and accept you in. That’s not you. You are one of the brightest, most creative, and most focused and goal-driven people I know. If you want to obtain a PhD, then you belong in a great institution. Any institution, any group would be lucky to have you and you would contribute far beyond their expectations. You need to convey this. You need to bleed confidence. Don’t understate yourself in how great of an impact you will have on the USC community. You don’t need any charity to get accepted to this or any program or excel in anything. Convey this (without being cocky, of course :) ).
Good luck man. …and if not…I’m sure you’ll succeed in whatever your next endeavor.
Dan, in my final hours before the deadline, I didn’t get to thank you for your insight. So, thank you!
My final draft is drastically different from this draft, entirely due to comments similar to yours. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to help out an old pal.
This process alone is turning out to be an awesome experience for me; I’m glad you’re part of it!
This part uses nice words, but might sound like you’re trying too hard: please bear in mind my readiness to wade beyond elegant expressions of aptitude and swim in the deep waters of tangible exhibition.
I don’t think Stepfather is hyphenated.
Would on the go be hyphenated? Not necessarily, I guess, but sometimes. That pattern of learning on the go
I don’t really know how to help you cut it down. But wow. This is a really great essay!
hmm…that didn’t save my text color differentiations. oh well.
Good call. I just added a color option!
If you’re looking to cut words, I would go over some of the more dense sentences and try to simplify. I would say try to limit “wordy outbursts” to one instance per paragraph and then see how it reads. For the rest, cut out anything nonessential. I wouldn’t cut all of the “flowery prose” because I think it’s a good reflection of your ability and style, so I think the one-per-paragraph rule might be a good compromise to keep things interesting without being over-long.
Paragraph 2:
non-traditional => nontraditional
Paragraph 4:
I would say “educational pursuits,” not just education since they are specifically encouraging you in activities that you took part in to foster your education
Paragraph 5:
I have never seen the construction “walk of ___” used with anything other than “life.” I think “forms of communication” is sufficient here.
Paragraph 6:
“Art Director” => “art director”; all the references I can find about job titles ([1], [2], [3]) say they shouldn’t be capitalized (unless used in naming or introducing the person, e.g. “Judge Judy”).
Also, I notice here you talk about “succint … ways” so it’s good to “walk the walk” per my first comment above. :-)
Paragraph 8:
The last sentence is ambiguous. I think you mean you are well-prepared in regards to the requisite skills of being a professor (giving presentations) and will thus be able to devote more time to the students under your tutelage. There’s probably a clearer way to state this.
Paragraph 9:
The “Every morning…” sentence is too long. You should cut everything after the last comma. If that information is important it should be another sentence, but I think you could do without it (sorry, Kenny’s stepfather!).
In the last sentence, there is a strong implication that “newer == better” which I don’t think you necessarily mean. I figure your intent is to stay up-to-date and in the course of things you end up learning about newer, better technologies that you quickly master and leverage effectively.
Paragraph 10:
“Director of Marketing” => “director of marketing” as above.
Paragraph 11:
“Director of Media” => “director of media”
Paragraph 12:
This specific subject looks like the only example of something you mention that spans two paragraphs. The achievements are impressive, but in the interest of length/time you may want to just leave it with what you said in paragraph 11 (perhaps augmenting it slightly to account for the loss of material cut here).
Paragraph 13:
I like the use of localized terms here (“chuva brava”) but it seems weird that only one Portuguese term is given when there are two things mentioned (is there a similar term for “vicious sun”?).
Paragraph 18:
Funny ending line. How “Kenny” of you. I’m trying to think of a way to not repeat the term barbarians because I think it has better impact when stated once, but it might be hard.
Overall:
I like how this is shaping up and I’m guessing v3 is going to be “the winner” (due to clear improvement, and not just because it’s due today :-)
Thanks Brian! Good idea to limit the flourishes a little. There’s no actual length limit to the essay, but I know they’ll be reading through a ton of these so a little shorter will be better (and more potent, I think). I’ll take your notes into account for the next draft. Here are a few specifics:
P6, P10, P11: I think I was invoking the Ego Rule, but you’re right. Lowercase it is.
P13: I could add something for vicious sun, but then the sentence seems to get bulky including both of the translations. I think it might lose some of its unique power, too.
Maybe I should drop it one example–simply “a long walk under a chuva brava, an angry rain.” Since most people think of rainforests when they think of Brazil anyway.
P18: I do use the word barbarian twice in close proximity, but I don’t see a way around it either. If it were neanderthals, I could say “Some of my best friends carry clubs” or some such other descriptive, indicative element. Can’t really pin one down for a barbarian though. Unless I make ill-advised reference to Conan.
P5 “My fascination for mass communications…” idiomatically this should be “fascination with”
P5 “As Dr. Adams … walks of communication.” I can’t really put my finger on why this sentence sounds so disjointed to me. I think that you are using “enthusiastic” to modify the way in which the idea took root and not the roots themselves, in which case it should be an adverb. I also don’t know if it is idiomatically correct to use “walks of” in the manner you have here unless it is part of the complete idiom “walks of life;” I think your options here are to say “types” or “manner” instead of “walks.”
P5 “…of that diagram…” What diagram? This is technically bad grammar because you previously mentioned a model, and although the reader can tell what you are referring to there is not actually a diagram previously mentioned.
P5-7: You spend a lot of time here talking about your undergraduate coursework. If you are looking to cut length from your essay, here might be a good place. Details of your coursework are available in your transcript and will likely also be referenced in at least one of your lettersof recommendation.
P5-7 I would like to propose a rewrite condensing these to one paragraph, while retaining your vivid imagery:
“The light of an overhead projector in the Introduction to Mass Media course at BYU saw the seeds of my career enthusiatically take root. Dr. Adams’ diagram of the Shannon and Weaver model of communications led to a desire to eliminate interference from all forms of communications. On numerous occasionas I have excitedly retaught the content of that diagram by arranging salt shakers, drawing on napkins, or even moving over 70 people around a gymnasium in a learning game. Subsequent coursework led me to multiple real-world research projects collaborating with local businesses, culminating in my role as Art Director for the winning team in a senior capstone project competition sponsored and judged by Electronic Arts. In 2005 I posted a version of my research paper ”Down the Tube: The (Negative) Effects of Television on College Students” in an online forum where it still generates commentary nearly 5 years later.”
P8 “During college … regardless of the medium.” Another opening sentence of a paragraph that doesn’t really flow for me. My rewrite would be: “My experience as a professional comedian during and after college has taught me how to adapt humor to diverse audiences, an understanding with considerable benefit to my ability to endear audiences to my messages in a variety of media.”
P9 “Every morning … stepfather.” This has great flow and excellent content, but is a run-on as written. Just break it up into 2 sentences at your discretion.
P11-12: This is my last comment on this segment of your essay related to my previous warning about this… you are devoting a lot of space to this. You could potentially trim a few words and references to both make this segment shorter (one paragraph) and somewhat more disguise its exact political nature. Okay, I will leave it now.
Good ideas for condensing and better flow. Again, I won’t make too many comments here, but will incorporate your thoughts into my next draft.
P5: It was killing me, that was sounding so bad but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Thanks.
About P11-12, I understand and agree with your warning. I hope with another draft I can get this section to a place that can describe the quality and level of work I accomplished without alienating the types of readers I will likely have. Thanks for mentioning it in the first place!
A few minor edits, mostly stylistic preferences for me as a reader and not really necessary changes. Hope it helps!
p3: “I was raised in a natural environment of mass communications as the eighth of thirteen children in a combined family.”
Love that! Great opening line! Gives a tiny hint as to your upbringing and your humor, and is perfectly tied into the course of study you are looking to pursue.
p3: “They now celebrate my determined effort as a first-generation college graduate to become the first in my family to receive a doctoral degree. ”
I would say first to pursue a doctoral degree. Even though you say “to become”, it didn’t read clearly to me at first glance.
p6: I noticed you took out the part about people requesting to cite your article. I thought that was a pretty unique and impressive thing to be able to say, and spoke moreso, or at least just as heavily, to the relevance of your reasearch than the sporadic commentary you still receive. I’d find a way to keep that if space allows.
p7: “During college and after, my experience as a professional comedian has taught me how to adapt humor to diverse audiences.”
I’d replace “has taught” with “taught” as the former seems to interfere with the flow of the tenses since you begin with “during college and after.” Besides, everything after the comma already addresses how that experience continues to benefit you now.
p7: “I hope to teach mass communications at a university level and feel that my experience in front of groups will contribute to my ability to focus on individuals and content rather than perfecting presentation skills.”
I’m not sure that the connection between your experience in front of groups and your ability to focus on individuals is clear. But I think there’s an interesting idea buried in there, and you just need to dig it out and make it more transparent.
p8: “the newest technologies to offer to my clients”
I would just say “the newest technologies to offer my clients”. The second “to” seems redundant. Not grammatically incorrect, I don’t think. Purely stylistic.
Closing paragraph: I still feel like you need one line in there to explain the barbarian analogy and give it some context, even if it’s true that everyone on the admissions committee should be familiar with it. And I would cut out the last sentence and end with “I hope to be there as the Trojans lower their drawbridge.” Much more powerful in my opinion.
Good luck, Kenny!
Thanks, Nimalee. I’ll put these to use!
i like the idea of this! overall, i’d say if your purpose is to make it more of collective essay, I’d consider revising the tone a bit. I’d take it down even more in termsof how academic sounding it is. Make it more real, more you. by the time they get to the paragraph about being a comedian, let them think “well, of course.”
Any chance you can hyperlink some of this? Where you talk about your family, link to a flickr photo of your fam, where you talk about your research paper about TV, link to that page, etc. show that you really understand web 2.0 by having this essay live a few places across the internet?
4. I was raised in a natural environment of mass communications as the eighth of thirteen children in a combined family. (I would love an example of this – let me see what this was like, trying to be heard above the chaos, etc.). My family has always encouraged me in my thirst for continued learning and? education, whether it was a two-hour presentation (on what? be specific) I gave single-handedly in the sixth grade, my work as my high school’s student body president, or a trip to the national speech and debate championships. They now celebrate my determined effort as a first-generation college graduate to become the first in my family to receive a doctoral degree.
5. It all started with a small piece of glass and filament. My fascination for mass communications as a subject hails. ultimately goes back to a small light fixture– the bulb of an overhead projector in my Introduction to Mass Media course at BYU. As Dr. Adams explained the Shannon and Weaver model of communications, the seeds of my career took enthusiastic root and I began to eliminate interference from all walks of communication. Many times since, I have excitedly retaught the concept? contents of that diagram by arranging salt shakers at restaurants, drawing on napkins at wedding receptions, and once even turning the model into a giant learning game involving over 70 adults in a gym. (ways your fascination for mass media continues to grow?)
8. During college and after, my experience as a professional comedian has taught me how to adapt humor to diverse audiences, which understanding has considerably benefited my ability to endear audiences to my messages regardless of the medium.<–rework sentence) Moreover, the countless workshops I have held for budding comedians have both added to my pedagogical aptitude and reinforced my affinity for the role of teacher. <–rework sentence, kind of clunky)I hope to teach mass communications at a university level and feel that my experience in front of groups will contribute to my ability to focus on individuals and content in addition to knowing how to deliver engaging presentations. rather than perfecting presentation skills.
9. Through both industry and study, I secured a full-tuition academic scholarship to college and also managed to hold a part-time job fixing computer hardware and software while attending college. Not only did my labor afford me cover my living expenses, but by working with computers because of my job I was also able to stay abreast of the newest technological developments. Every morning from eight to noon was my “second education,” the job outside of my official course of study. These 20? hours a week provided me the continuing chance to learn and use modern technology, a practice I had cultivated since childhood by learning about computers from my step-father. Can you talk about all the ways you improv? just like i mastered the ability to improv compedically, i learned to do it technoligiclaly, blah blahThat pattern of learning on the go has continued in my current work life as I seek out the newest technologies to offer to my clients.
10. I have been self-employed as a successful freelance graphic designer in Los Angeles since completing my Bachelor’s degree only three years ago. As my business networks and acumen have matured (WC), I have been able to raise my fee rate by 25% each year. While continuing to freelance, I accepted a full-time position as the Director of Marketing for a national multimillion dollar test preparation company, which taught me incredible lessons about the need for companies to adhere to classic marketing principles while constantly adapting to ever-changing communications technology. I was fortunate to be able to immediately apply my this newfound knowledge as I chose to transition from that position into several dedicated months of intensive volunteer work.
11.Volunteerism is a permanent ingredient of my life. While serving others and the community, I have enjoyed immense opportunities to assume influential leadership roles and apply all of my talents in technology-related communications. For two separate volunteer initiatives involving thousands of people, I filled the role of Director of Media, dedicating myself through nearly 1,000 hours of community service in a total of six months. As part of my responsibilities, I created and deployed online infrastructures to allow hierarchical, real-time collaboration among hundreds of field leaders working in distant locations. I was fortunate to interact with lawyers, doctors, academics, accountants, marketers, businessmen and other high-caliber professionals as I led and trained them about media and communication procedures via conference calls and in-person meetings.
sorry, my husband just told me i have to stop working on this and go do my own work! good luck.
Thanks for taking some time out for me, Adrienne! I like the link idea, but unfortunately this will be submitted as a separate document (I won’t be sending them this page as my SoP). They may, however, come visit this page to explore what I’ve done.
Thanks for all the edits!
one more thing – don’t forget your ad background! remember, if you can’t sell it in 8 seconds you can’t sell it. clearly, hyperbole, but i think there’s some truth. cutting down some of those everlong (but well written) sentences will help things be short and sweet. when all else fails, give them some memorable phrases.
This will be just a quick note as we are in the middle of finals.
One thing I would NOT do is make it less academic. One thing that I noted while applying for PhD programs is that they differ markedly from applying to MA, undergraduate, or law programs (all of which I have done) in that the focus is not so much as much on you but on your research areas of interest.
I’ve heard that Annenberg has an acceptance rate of 5-6% – no idea what the actual numbers are – but at any rate, many applicants have amazing stories. The key is to explain why you’re getting a PhD. In my cohort, the most remarkable thing about each individual is how distinct our subareas of research are and how well we have defined the areas of study we’re so passionate about. Just a thought. Or two.
Thanks for the insight, Jackie. Exactly what I was hoping for from an inside perspective. Thanks for taking the time to help and best of luck with your finals!
Hi Kenny,
Good luck with your application. USC Annenberg is an amazing place to be.
I am not entirely convinced that the statement of purpose is a form of communication that is well-suited to collaborative editing, for two reasons: first, it is a fairly subjective document, expressing *your* purpose; second, it looks to me like its really just a kind of gimmicky way of having people proofread your work. But I could be wrong, and I certainly am a believer of self-referential communication systems that are powered by collaborative editing, I just am skeptical about this particular application.
That said, it is an interesting idea, and we definitely have people here at Annenberg that you could work well with to work out your ideas and conduct cutting edge communication research. And if you rework your statement of purpose, I think you should focus more on this fact. As it stands, it looks to me like your statement is a little heavy on background, and a little light on Annenberg. Your statement ought to be a fairly tight argument about why YOU belong HERE. But as it stands now, it seems like the Annenberg component is almost an afterthought to a boilerplate description of your background and interests. So here is my advice:
I. Rework the piece so that the entire essay advances a compelling argument about why you @ Annenberg is a good fit. To this end, focus more on what you want to accomplish at Annenberg rather than on your background or interests — your background and interests should instead be woven in to support your thesis that you belong at Annenberg. You aren’t selling yourself as such; you are selling yourself as an Annenberg doctoral student. Cut out anything that doesn’t support an explicit claim about what you will do at Annenberg. I suspect that you could shorten this section by about 50%. Some of the stuff may or may not be useful depending on how you want to recouch it–e.g., the bit about volunteerism is, as it stands now, largely irrelevant, but if you make some explicit claim about how this experience lead you to certain types of research questions or research methodologies, it could be very helpful.
II. You want to avoid just laundry-listing annenberg faculty– instead, make an argument for why you would be well suited to be an advisee of one of the people you mention. Say some specific things about their research, your interests, and possible research projects you could work on together at USC. Talk about potential advisors and potential committee members. Talk about specific research that those faculty members have done. You need to persuade the admissions committee that you are a good fit with at least one faculty member, and there is no way that can happen if it doesn’t seem like you have familiarized yourself with their research. When looking for an advisor, you want to find someone who asks research questions that you find fascinating, who uses methods to answer those questions that you believe can provide interesting answers to those questions, and who writes the way that you want to write. If you can say something like that about a specific faculty member, I promise you it will dramatically improve your statement’s reception by the committee.
Also, I’m not entirely convinced that the faculty you mention are the best-suited to your interests relative to other faculty members. Here are a couple other faculty members to think about (in no particular order):
1) François Bar – his research focuses on the social and economic dimensions of the adoption of communication/information technologies. He did some landmark research on introducing cell phones to undeveloped fishing economies that demonstrated pretty convincingly the ability of new communication technologies to effect efficiency in an otherwise distorted market. On top of that, Latin America is one of his research interests, which seems to dovetail with your background in Brazil. To be honest, I think based on what you have written about your interests he is probably the best fit for a possible advisor.
2) Henry Jenkins – we hired him last year away from MIT, and his research is all about participatory digital media and its relationship to society at large. He has his own lab in the west lobby of Annenberg, and since he has only been with us for a year, and since you cannot pick your advisor until year 2, he undoubtedly has room to advise several grad students.
3) Tom Goodnight – recognized as one of the top 5 argumentation scholars of the twentieth century, Goodnight might be a good guy to have on your committee, as his research recently has focused on digital rhetoric, argumentation in interactive/participatory media, and the public sphere. Plus he is the director of the phd program and is the first guy that will look at your statement. If you go to a dissertation database and stick his name in as advisor, I think you will be stunned (or at least I was) by the sheer number of all-stars he has advised.
4) Larry Gross — giant in the field of mass comm, director of the Annenberg school, this is the guy that, along with Gerbner, developed cultivation theory about the effects of television. The paper you reference posting in 2005 made me think of Larry — and this guy is just brilliant, one of the smartest people I have ever met (his brother won the Nobel Prize in physics a couple years ago). He’s been on like 150 dissertation committees and is great at training scholars.
5) Patty Riley — In many ways I think Patty epitomizes what Annenberg is all about: mixed method research, global communication, intersections of new information technologies and organizational/institutional structure and culture, and the dual importance of communication theory and communication practice. She has authored high theoretical papers about structuration theory, and she has authored organizational case studies. She is accomplished both in rigorous quantitative methods as well as qualitative methods. Take a look at her stuff, shes great, and fits well with your interests and background in statistics.
II. Talk about research projects or networks you might be involved in. Projects of possible interest to you: ARNIC, the Annenberg Research Network on International Communication (http://arnic.info/); the Annenberg Network on Networks (http://ascnetworksnetwork.org/); APOC, the Annenberg Program on Online Communities (http://annenbergonlinecommunities.com/). And Francois Bar, who I really think would fit your interests well, is affiliated with all three of these research projects. Talking about one or more of these would do a lot to demonstrate why you ought to be doing research at Annenberg.
III. Talk about the kinds of research methods you hope to develop and use while at Annenberg. You sort of do this, but not in a systematic way. Annenberg prides itself on teaching and encouraging mixed method research and interdisciplinarity, and to that end requires all doctoral students to take courses in both quantitative research and qualitative research. In the summer, we put on (jointly with U penn) ASIMs – Annenberg Seminars in Methodology – which aim to introduce doctoral students to new methods to enrich their research. Assuming that you are excited about using multiple methodologies to answer your research questions, talking about this would provide an additional warrant for why you belong at Annenberg.
I hope this helps! Again, I wish you all the best in your search for the right phd program, and if you end up coming to USC Annenberg, I look forward to chatting with you more about your research.
LPS
Initial thoughts – This lengthy document has “tl;dr” written all over it.
Secondary thoughts – Paragraphs 1-5 have little to do with your research capabilities or academic interests. A doctorate means you have something substantive to contribute to the field and your dissertation will make Annenberg look smart for taking you. Being student body president doesn’t have anything to do with research. Ditch paragraphs 1-5 (I guess 3 is just, like, your heading, but kill the headings, too, I suppose). Also, paragraphs 8, 10, and 13 haven’t got much to do with research, either.
This essay needs more “what new insights and discoveries I plan to bring to the field through my research” and less “look at how qualified Kenny McNett is”. The rest of the application should cover the latter – you need some serious beef, pronto, on the former. If you’re going to talk about adoption of disruptive technologies, you better check out Rogers fast. Lastly, I would pepper your essay with big names in the field found outside of USC, not the names of professors at the Annenberg School – it looks like you’re sucking up. Although it might not hurt to mention Henry Jenkins, since he is the latest superstar to come to USC.
Rogers -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diffusion_of_innovations
These are similar notes that I just got from a current PhD student there. And I agree. It’s going to take some serious work between now and tomorrow to revamp this whole thing, including learning about things that I can reference intelligently and appropriately, then actually writing the references. Any thoughts on how I’m supposed to reference comms research if I haven’t learned about it yet? That’s why I’m going to learn, right? Maybe that’s a faulty assumption. That’s the struggle I’m in right now. In honesty, research-based knowledge in the field is not what I can bring to the table right now. But I assume other applicants who only have Bachelor’s are in a similar boat, unless they’ve done some major personal study. But maybe I am mistaken and my competition truly is more knowledgeable and involved in the research field before heading into a doctorate. For example, do you know if Rogers’ diffusion of innovations is common undergrad knowledge?
You’re up against people with Masters, Kenny. That’s your real competition. They’ve already done some research and many have contributed new learnings to the field.
I guess, all I can say is be honest about not knowing about some of these big names, as you can’t really fake it. But, talk big ideas. I know you can do that. What do you WANT to learn? Be a little crazy.
Rogers is fairly prominent, but I don’t know to what degree. If you want to learn about adoption, he’s probably the launchpad. I’ve seen plenty of scholarly articles reference him.
Thanks Matt. And thanks for the pub over at nerdacumen. I’ll keep working over here!
To be honest, Kenny, it sounds like you may be better off applying to one of the MA programs. Very few people are accepted to the PhD program with BAs and those people have significant work experience related to their research area of interest.
[...] wish him the best of luck in his endeavor. I’ve already posted my own comments to his first essay, hoping to scare him out of his wits and remind him that doctorates are about [...]
kenny, loved reading, of course they will choose you. do think, in terms of the pressure the committee will have to make timely decisions you will be wise to use a traditional list of your accomplishments and add what you’ve written as annotation.cristy verellen, your 5/6th grade teacher.
What a surprise! Don’t know how you heard about this, but I’m glad you did! And you were there during the two-hour presentation I gave on mental math! (Actually, it was about an hour one day, then an hour the next day, due to me getting sick from staring into the overhead lamp too much. what a memory.) Thanks for reading. Good notes about the length of this. The next draft is about 65% shorter.
I hope you’re doing well!
Whoa, it’s Mrs. Verellen. Hello from one of your former students, Brian Rogers (the one who had long hair back then and sometimes “forgot” to turn in his homework…).
Thank you for all of the amazing insight, everybody. I have plenty to work from for the next draft, so I’m going to close up comments on this round for now.
FYI, there were more than 100 unique visitors to the site yesterday. Thanks for getting the word out so quickly!!
Everyone’s feedback has been amazing. I have posted a drastic rewrite to better emphasize my fit specifically at USC. If you have a second, please tell me what you think!
http://www.kennymcnett.com/mystatementofpurpose/2009/12/01/usc-v3/